New beginnings and set backs.

Well this is it...we got our first paychecks in June, and for the first time hubby and I sat down and did a real budget to include all the expenses we could think of.  It was nice that he sat down to crunch the numbers with me. (i don't feel as if we work on alot of serious matters together)  It was a headache to seperate everything into all these categories and keep a balance sheet but I am sure as we go along it will get easier and take less time.  I think we have over 20 expense categories.

In the end we had 38.25 to go into our paycheck witholding (talked about in the America's cheapest family book)  Toughest thing so far....seeing something you really want admitting you don't really need it and walking away.  Oh there was the cutest pair of heels on a facebook second hand site I wanted in the worst way, and another friend making beautiful hand made art, and while i wanted, i walked away.  I also really want a hair cut.  Hubby and I had a deal about our hair (he usually shaves his head) but when he stops shaving his head i stop getting mine cut.(he loves long hair, but i started getting a short cut years ago)...well he shaved his hair down today (but didn't go bald this time) and he was able to take care of his for free.  Me not so much luck.  So I think i have a credit from a few months ago at our local cosmetology school for a free haircut.  They were closed today so I could not confirm this.  And there is not enough money in my health and beauty expense account for a hair cut :(

Setbacks:

Well it's more emotional then anything.  I think I have spoken before in a previous post about being undisciplined in the area of keeping the house, and taking care of my body etc.  Well I was taking steps and getting godly counsel from a fellow christian believer online and beginning to make baby steps to make some corrections in terms of keeping the house.  I was super excited about some outside projects...like trying to get an old hot tub working so we could have free entertainment basically and a nice romantic relaxing spot for me and hubby and a place for the kiddos to splash sometimes.  I wanted to create planters and grow some of my own plants etc and put up some lights for evening barbeques with friends.  Well our property owner came by and was disappointed that there were leaves and things in our yard.  He said we were not keeping a good testimony in how the property appeared.  I cried almost all afternoon over his message.  I feel i carry the responsibility of doing the yard work, keeping the house and caring for the kids along with whatever everyone else thinks they need from me.  So for me the wind was sucked out of my sails.  My hubby has his list of reasons that he is often unable to assist...and i just don't understand how to get everything in....anyway we don't get to use the hot tub per our landlord to discourage anymore laziness from us.  We didn't have a clear written agreement about what exactly was expected and the time frame that leaf removal had to be done...i just put it off till better weather and it has started being nice here.  There are so many leaves on our property that its really hard to get the work done quickly...but the landlords note came on a day after i had worked really hard with my bestie's kid and my kids on the yard...we shoveled and raked leaves for a couple hours and made little headway because there were so many. And now i cant plant or make yard changes without permission so all my creative ideas are on hold.

(i wanted to tell my landlord he doesn't understand my circumstances, he knew we had no money so i couldnt afford to take the leaves anywhere..my hubby was too embarrassed to take them and dump them in the landlords yard (with the landlords permission of course, they live in a really nice neighborhood he didn't want to mess up anything) and hubbys job does have him on call 24/7 so he is struggling with balancing personal responsibilities with work ones, my daughter was sick and in the hospital twice within a months time, and has he ever tried doing yard work while watching the little ones to keep them out of trouble too?  Not to mention because of the financial issues i took a part time job with the hubby(thankful for it...its one of a kind for me cause i get to take my kids) but that really threw me into a tail spin with balancing my issues getting 4 people out the door with enough stuff (food etc because we wouldn't just be at home where we could grab it) for a whole day was a challenge to me.  And now the job turned into full time.) 

So now that I worked 47 hours last week i need to find a way to feel like having an in home date night tonight and a physical relationship with the hubby after he is done patrolling the parking lots taking care of illegally parked cars down by the beach.  Where do you guys get the energy to be wonder women?

Also I had a really high fasting blood sugar again this morning a whopping 170 highest i have ever seen fasting.  so i am just thinking to myself what am i allowed to eat...lettuce and water.  I guess I am trying to make alot of changes at once and any reproof and rebuke is not being recieved well by my heart right now....like give me a couple weeks to get really good and going then tell me what i am doing wrong so i can correct it...don't slam the door in my face just as soon as i opened it.  

Okay done venting now....on a positive note i scheduled my medical tests and an eye exam...i want to know where i stand and evaluate my treatment if the doctor does not help  and guide me i will search for a new one.  Plunging forward trying not to feel discouraged and filled with the desire to quit.