This is my piece of cyber space and I know my posts have been sporadic and my topics widespread. I just need to write to day....I guess this could be an unscripted post like I used to write.
Okay so my husband and I have been separated for a year now. We were supposed to file for divorce. He agreed to sign the papers then changed his mind, but moved out of state with his girlfriend. His choice I asked for the divorce. He didn't sign my papers though, and now I have to figure out how to file in the state of Florida without his signature and without having to pay someone to help me figure out how to do it.
On one hand I feel guilt because I know God doesn't like divorce. I have lost friends because of my decisions, and sometimes I simply miss having my family unit I guess is the best way to put it.
I met someone this year that has been there for me in ways that no one ever has. He wants to be there for me and support me and my kids in every way possible. He doesn't have alot as in earthly possessions but he prays for us and with me sometimes, is there for me when my moods are dark. He would absolutely give up every last thing he had for us. He listens to my crazy health anxieties, and would like to be a part of our family. When I can't sleep at 2 am I can text him and he answers every time.
I feel guilty though, because I am still married. I am also afraid because can someone really love us like that. I am the one used to doing all the taking care of everything but this person is offering to give endlessly to me. I am afraid to explore it fully. What if it's real and we eventually find a life together. What if he really gives me all the attention I crave and is really there for me...and makes me happy.
What if it blows up in my face. So many questions. I guess thanks for listening. Sorry this was not a post full of any vital information. Instead an expression of pent up questions and feelings. I got married at 17 I haven't had alot of other men in my life in terms of relationships. I have dated twice this year and I didn't like it.
One day at a time I guess.
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ReplyDeleteBe very protective of your children. I do not want to be a fear monger but I would guard my children fiercely around new men. Get to know this person apart from your children to avoid causing them additional trauma if this relationship does not work out.
ReplyDeleteI second Theresa's comment. Also, you are very vulnerable right now and there are some people who will play to that vulnerability for their own selfish purposes. I don't want you to be paranoid, but you MUST be very careful for your and your children's sake.
ReplyDeleteAnything good is going to stand the test of time and would truly be worth waiting for. (This is coming from someone who is currently trying to learn more patience and every day God is showing me more and more how much I have to learn...)
You and your family remain in my prayers.
I enjoy reading your blog, and I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI personally don't think God cares whether we get divorced or not. I think we are on this earth to learn things and grow. And, for the record, you would be divorced by now if your almost ex-husband had signed the papers. He is being childish and petty, and this is not your fault. (I mean, he moved to another state with his girlfriend, and has moved on. He can't sign the divorce papers? What's his problem? I hope he is providing support for his children.)
You got married at 17, which is very young. It sounds like you have two great kids and are doing the best you can despite difficult circumstances. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)
Just wanted to offer some words of encouragement.
Amara