Irma

Did u know that is the name of my grandmother who passed away in July last year. This storm approaching has made me think of her soooo much. I even wore the necklace she gave me to work Friday. She was strong and for all the stuff she had been through in life though not practical i thought she would live forever.

It is also funny because I had not seen my Uncle, one of her sons since he moved out earlier this year but he showed up on my door step the weekend that i was really ill.  This week he helped me with the kids since schools were closed because of the approaching weather.  He wants to move back in but that is a story for another day.  Irma June was my grandma's name.  I have just been lost in alot of thought during this storm.

I have been processing why certain people just were not a good fit for my life and why it is best God closed certain doors. Someone used to pour their heart out and say how much they wanted to be a part of my life and when they got the chance they flipped the script and hurt me and i now know they have a love and always have had a love for another person. Why waste all that time pursuing me when their heart lies with another...to the point of a dangerous obession on social media. Some people are just dangerous and liars. Truly disguised as a sheep but in wolf's clothing.  That person turned out not to be a friend. My regret is believing the lies, but thankful for God's protection. Being married so long i lived a different kind of life and i just dont understand the world today.  Not saying that i am sinless or blameless i just see much clearer now.  My dad told me i needed to branch out and make a new network of friends but it is just so difficult.


I am slowly working on moving forward in life as you all know.  So far in this storm we are fine. Heavy rain. Thanks to the love and support from you all and from check ins and suggestions we managed to get prepared for the storm.  We did not evacuafe but should ot be necessary we have places to go.  To pass time we have been baking.

Needless to say eventually we will all be eating and be a little heavier....lol.....I will be praying for everyones safety. Much love to all but one of my followers the dangerous one... and if u read this unsubscribe from my blog and get my photos of your social media you know who you are and i can con tact you but you cannot me.....  I would fix this if we could but i cannot remove you from subscription. Please do the right thing so i can move on. Thank you. Please just i dont need to see anything that reminds me of you. Sadly you have left a long lasting damaging effect.

Everyone else much love and to everyone be safe. Please know that if you comment they have to be moderated now. Only i can see them initially because of certain life events.

One day at a Time

We are surviving.  Last weekend I came down with some really nasty virus and I could not get even off the couch.  It was a tough weekend to be sick and alone other than my two kids of course.  I wanted adult interaction so badly.  It was an experience.  Whatever it was most of the people I was around seem to have experienced similar symptoms, except my kids thankfully!  It was such an emotional weekend but also an eye opener.

I don't know what I have been waiting for, someone to save me I guess.  I want things that are never going to happen. I stopped waiting for someone else to care or provide, don't get me wrong, I love the support I get from you guys, and I do have a couple of friends in my actual life.  What I mean though is I stopped waiting for someone to want to come along and help me, I realized in reality I may not have anyone in my life that I can physically see and touch other than my kids, but I know God hears me.  I got up when I finally could on Monday.  I went to the laundromat.  I spent the day applying for jobs, and I don't remember when but there was a day that I applied for a job I just wasn't sure I would qualify for, and the hours don't really fit with my life needs, but you know what I got it.  I am finding a network of rewards, and a couple of reliable people to help me out with the kids and this is going to work.

My ex for the very first time in a long time after I sent a quiet but very firm hopefully eye opening text to him sent a little support our way.  My tire is now fixed, the kids got a thing or two, and well now I think I need to replace my washer.   It broke while I was sick.  We have this week been rearranging furniture.  I sold two of our reptiles and that netted some extra funds that will now be used get me to work!

I looked through my closet and I have enough professional type clothing to mix and match for a weeks worth of items.  These last two years have really royally sucked.  I learned so much about the world, and men.  Men that are in the world are wild beyond anything I ever knew existed.  They are into things that in my sheltered life I had never experienced.  They make empty promises, tell you they want marriage when they have a woman sitting at home.  This lady is not dating anymore.  It's just unreal and a joke.  I also spent the week getting rid of bad memories.  Throwing out old pictures belongings.  Photos from my marriage and when the kids were born will be remade into something for their baby and memory books.

It is just seriously time to move on and start moving forward it's like I have just been sitting here waiting for something to happen.  Looking for fixes to problems in the wrong places.  Well here my friends is to new beginning, old flames dying, and to doing things we never thought we could!