Tuesday, June 27, 2017

It's been a long time.

I tend to get quiet when emotional things happen, and boy has life been emotional lately.  From fighting for someone who doesn't love me the way I need to be loved, to experiencing things with my ex who is now moving back to Delaware.  The kids and I at the moment are staying in Florida.  I have no income or childcare at the moment.  So yeah things have been crazy.

It has been a year since my second mom Belinda passed, and today is the last time I spoke with my grandmother last year before she passed.  You guys have seen me through alot. I have been on a decluttering journey, and I can say that alot of that clutter is gone. I keep house better than I used to, though I am still not perfect.  I feel a little like I have lost my way, though.  I asked for my divorce, I never thought my husband would leave his kids and leave us without support.  Now I do live with someone that has been kind enough to pay the bills while I provide the food, and do what I can to make odds and ends extras during the summer while my kids are out of school.  The truth is I do not know how long this will last.  This living arrangement has been hard.  There has been alot of fighting, I was almost arrested once, but all the dust from that has settled now.  I don't like dating....I will just leave it at that.  I was married at 17 and just had no idea what the world of dating is like especially now. I have had a taste of it and do not like it.

The truth is I offered my ex a final chance to come home and be a family at least, even if that meant he brought his girlfriend, but he is leaving and he was part of my life for over 20 years so I am not handling things well. I am trying to throw myself into organizing my kids rooms, I don't know how long we will live in this house.  Will we move to Delaware too because the kids miss their dad, will I move in with the guy who pours his heart out to me everyday telling me how much he loves me and wants to give me the life I deserve and wants to make my already made family his own?  I do not know.

What I do know is that my husband refused to sign divorce papers, I am not going to wait for him he can't keep me waiting around hoping I will be there if his current situation does not work out.  Don't get me wrong I am no angel.  I have made so many mistakes and I am in my current situation simply based on financial survival.

School is out for the summer though, the kids are getting big.  They each got lots of awards.

We had a litter of kittens

I realized my daughter looks similar to my mom which was a nice surprise

ooop and the princess got glasses.

I am focusing on moving forward. I  hope to blog more frequently now.  Someone I let into my life during this past year just hasn't been very supportive of me or the things I do.  Said things to me like my jewelry will never sell, even though it did, that my dog sitting side jobs were stupid stuff like that and I have felt pretty crushed and depressed.  I forgot myself and my value. I am beginning to remember now. I value the friendship I share with each of you, and perhaps something profound is on the horizon.