Sunday, September 10, 2017

Irma

Did u know that is the name of my grandmother who passed away in July last year. This storm approaching has made me think of her soooo much. I even wore the necklace she gave me to work Friday. She was strong and for all the stuff she had been through in life though not practical i thought she would live forever.

It is also funny because I had not seen my Uncle, one of her sons since he moved out earlier this year but he showed up on my door step the weekend that i was really ill.  This week he helped me with the kids since schools were closed because of the approaching weather.  He wants to move back in but that is a story for another day.  Irma June was my grandma's name.  I have just been lost in alot of thought during this storm.

I have been processing why certain people just were not a good fit for my life and why it is best God closed certain doors. Someone used to pour their heart out and say how much they wanted to be a part of my life and when they got the chance they flipped the script and hurt me and i now know they have a love and always have had a love for another person. Why waste all that time pursuing me when their heart lies with another...to the point of a dangerous obession on social media. Some people are just dangerous and liars. Truly disguised as a sheep but in wolf's clothing.  That person turned out not to be a friend. My regret is believing the lies, but thankful for God's protection. Being married so long i lived a different kind of life and i just dont understand the world today.  Not saying that i am sinless or blameless i just see much clearer now.  My dad told me i needed to branch out and make a new network of friends but it is just so difficult.


I am slowly working on moving forward in life as you all know.  So far in this storm we are fine. Heavy rain. Thanks to the love and support from you all and from check ins and suggestions we managed to get prepared for the storm.  We did not evacuafe but should ot be necessary we have places to go.  To pass time we have been baking.


Needless to say eventually we will all be eating and be a little heavier....lol.....I will be praying for everyones safety. Much love to all but one of my followers the dangerous one... and if u read this unsubscribe from my blog and get my photos of your social media you know who you are and i can con tact you but you cannot me.....  I would fix this if we could but i cannot remove you from subscription. Please do the right thing so i can move on. Thank you. Please just i dont need to see anything that reminds me of you. Sadly you have left a long lasting damaging effect.

Everyone else much love and to everyone be safe. Please know that if you comment they have to be moderated now. Only i can see them initially because of certain life events.


Saturday, September 2, 2017

One day at a Time


We are surviving.  Last weekend I came down with some really nasty virus and I could not get even off the couch.  It was a tough weekend to be sick and alone other than my two kids of course.  I wanted adult interaction so badly.  It was an experience.  Whatever it was most of the people I was around seem to have experienced similar symptoms, except my kids thankfully!  It was such an emotional weekend but also an eye opener.

I don't know what I have been waiting for, someone to save me I guess.  I want things that are never going to happen. I stopped waiting for someone else to care or provide, don't get me wrong, I love the support I get from you guys, and I do have a couple of friends in my actual life.  What I mean though is I stopped waiting for someone to want to come along and help me, I realized in reality I may not have anyone in my life that I can physically see and touch other than my kids, but I know God hears me.  I got up when I finally could on Monday.  I went to the laundromat.  I spent the day applying for jobs, and I don't remember when but there was a day that I applied for a job I just wasn't sure I would qualify for, and the hours don't really fit with my life needs, but you know what I got it.  I am finding a network of rewards, and a couple of reliable people to help me out with the kids and this is going to work.

My ex for the very first time in a long time after I sent a quiet but very firm hopefully eye opening text to him sent a little support our way.  My tire is now fixed, the kids got a thing or two, and well now I think I need to replace my washer.   It broke while I was sick.  We have this week been rearranging furniture.  I sold two of our reptiles and that netted some extra funds that will now be used get me to work!

I looked through my closet and I have enough professional type clothing to mix and match for a weeks worth of items.  These last two years have really royally sucked.  I learned so much about the world, and men.  Men that are in the world are wild beyond anything I ever knew existed.  They are into things that in my sheltered life I had never experienced.  They make empty promises, tell you they want marriage when they have a woman sitting at home.  This lady is not dating anymore.  It's just unreal and a joke.  I also spent the week getting rid of bad memories.  Throwing out old pictures belongings.  Photos from my marriage and when the kids were born will be remade into something for their baby and memory books.

It is just seriously time to move on and start moving forward it's like I have just been sitting here waiting for something to happen.  Looking for fixes to problems in the wrong places.  Well here my friends is to new beginning, old flames dying, and to doing things we never thought we could!

Monday, August 21, 2017

This weeks savings.

Another week has passed us by.  I can't believe this is the beginning of the second week of school for my kids.

So financially this week....


I was able to get a charge of $10.00 refunded to my account that was not authorized.

Cleaned the house using a vinegar and alcohol mix using old shorts as cleaning cloths.

Made homemade hair detangler with a conditioner sample that I received last week at one of the give aways.

We have been monitoring our online usage because last month we went over, and I cannot afford to go over on anything.

I reduced our Netflix plan saving about $3.00 a month.

We extended the life of our cat litter by adding baking soda.

We are also still air drying laundry, hand washing dishes, and unplugging all we can when not in use.
The thermostat is set at 83 sometimes I will push it up more if we are going to be out.

I cut my son's hair.  We had a bottle of hair bleach sitting in the cabinet, so we did our own hair.

A friend blessed me with some bug traps and spray for indoor outdoor use, we have tiny little wood roaches wanting to take over the bathrooms.

I used collected rain water to help fill the washer when doing laundry.

I had a job interview today and there will be another tomorrow.  Each position is only part time, but I believe it can be made to work if I am offered either one.  I continue to put in applications at any place I can.

I ask that you all say a special prayer today please for someone that used to be important to me and I to them because they are going through some unspoken things that were not meant to happen and which I cannot fix for them.  I tried.

May you each be blessed.  Thank you for those that are following along and have offered words of encouragement.  It means so much!


Saturday, August 12, 2017

Attempts at being Frugal and Blessings.

So I should completely take down that last post....that person who wanted to be there for us well that turned out to be bogus and blew up in my face totally. I am officially without income, without a roommate, and in a place I cannot afford.

However my ex told me that all the doors just seemed closed in Florida that maybe it was time for me to move to Delaware.  I am not really wanting to bend to his (my exes )will at the moment. Such a move is not completely off the table if I fail but guess what no job or house there either. I mean my kids could live with their dad, but that leaves me now where and I don't want to be without my children.  So I did go before God and I prayed and I know it's time that I need to be self sufficient somehow to provide for my children.  Blessings abounded this week..  My savings were not of my doing but of divine intervention.

My daughter received a free hair cut at a local church.  A lady offers her services for free to the church that offers the food bridge. I also participated in two back to school giveaways.  These events were a huge blessing.  My son needed pants and surprisingly he is extremely picky and I was able at each event to find him some shirts that fit and the specific type of pants he likes.  I also found a pair of shoes for him.  My daughter was able to select 2 outfits at each event.  Though I don't really feel she needed anything. We did also receive some free food and some school supplies....which was definitely a blessing, because even with those free items, I still spent about 50.00 out of pocket.  I did sell a little jewelry which help offset the cost.  My ex is also supposed to be offering us a little support this month, but I have to wait and see if it makes it.

One of the give aways included plain black back packs.  My daughter was feeling extremely ungrateful.  I told her she could still use her old back pack then.  Well we came up with a brilliant idea as a compromise.  We visited the craft department at Walmart and purchased two containers of fabric paint and she decorated the black bag and her pencil box using the paint and some other things we already had here at the house.



When we were in the craft department, we also purchased iron on patches because I cannot sew to save my life.  We plan on repairing several pairs of leggings, a few of my shirts, and some jeans with those items.  I will show you our completed pile.  We plan to cut fun shapes out of the patches and use the fabric paint as well.

I received some vouchers to help with expenses like gas, though that was driven out pretty quickly, and also to help with rent and electric.  I fought with the state to be reinstated into their work or welfare transition program, and will volunteer the next two weeks and receive some assistance from them for a time.  It appears through these open doors we may be able to maintain our current home for maybe 60 days.  I am in fear of what happens next.  Roommates are not working out for me.  I cannot find another place with out a job.  Daily I am sending out my resume and putting in applications for all sorts of things.  I have decided to start speaking life over my life starting with this:

And My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches and in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:19.

We are working to make each morsel stretch if there is something we do not eat we try to make it fill out a meal for a pet.  We had some freebies for fruitcups and drinks at Chick Fil A as well as a frosted coffee and a cookie.  Also a friend treated us to our favorite local pizza place called Vito's last night for dinner.

The tread on my rear tire blew on my van.  The event could have been so much worse.  We were not traveling fast and the tire did not go completely flat.  A Clay County Sheriff's deputy stopped along with another gentleman to help change the tire.  I did not expect this.  I am so glad it happened though because I had just removed road side assistance from my insurance because I reduced things to the bare minimum to keep expenses low.

Our last electric bill was 218.00.  Completely affordable for me and outrageous.  I was able to receive assistance which helped me get ahead, but we are being super cautious.  Everything is being unplugged when not in use.  I pushed the thermostat to 83 and told the kids to wear shorts and play where a fan is running. I also am washing clothes but shortening the wash cycle to the shortest one, and drying them for only 10 minutes.  They are air drying on my porch now to finish.  I am praying to know how to use every penny faithfully.  From pet supplies to housing if there is something cheaper out there.

My kids are a little anxious but I am putting in applications pretty much daily.  I was gifted 20.00 by a friend for gas, and I also will cash out 15.00 in Swagbucks for gas as well.

I hope next weekend to host a yard sale I have posted many things on facebook for sale with little success. I need to raise the cash for a new or used tire.

I also saw my doctor who prescribed some new medications and for some reason insulin needles are not covered by my insurance and she went to see if any patients had turned in any that were unused and unopened.  I was blessed with 10 syringes.  I am temporarily blessed with state insurance so I can have my medications.

I also cut up the toothpaste container to strain the last little bit cuz my kids are picky and like a certain kind from the dollar tree but I am not going there until I can combine errands.

This week I plan to begin exercising and measuring my food.  Having my diabetes is putting me at risk and I want to be here for my babies.  So no more fooling around.  I am the only actual family they have in this state.

To reduce expenses more, I may drop my cell phone next month. It's already paid for this month and the phone number is on alot of applications.  I pray God opens a door for steady income in the next 60 days.  The state if I can complete their program offers 300 monthly and while wonderful doesn't begin to cover housing.  It will pay car insurance and a power bill with a little left over.  I am choosing though to speak life into our lives.

Meditation on verses others have sent and shared.  What are some of your favorite word of encouragement.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Life Unscripted-Have you ever been afraid to be Happy?

This is my piece of cyber space and I know my posts have been sporadic and my topics widespread.  I just need to write to day....I guess this could be an unscripted post like I used to write.

Okay so my husband and I have been separated for a year now.  We were supposed to file for divorce.  He agreed to sign the papers then changed his mind, but moved out of state with his girlfriend. His choice I asked for the divorce.  He didn't sign my papers though, and now I have to figure out how to file in the state of Florida without his signature and without having to pay someone to help me figure out how to do it.

On one hand I feel guilt because I know God doesn't like divorce.  I have lost friends because of my decisions, and sometimes I simply miss having my family unit I guess is the best way to put it.

I met someone this year that has been there for me in ways that no one ever has.  He wants to be there for me and support me and my kids in every way possible.  He doesn't have alot as in earthly possessions but he prays for us and with me sometimes, is there for me when my moods are dark.  He would absolutely give up every last thing he had for us.  He listens to my crazy health anxieties, and would like to be a part of our family.  When I can't sleep at 2 am I can text him and he answers every time.

I feel guilty though, because I am still married.  I am also afraid because can someone really love us like that. I am the one used to doing all the taking care of everything but this person is offering to give endlessly to me.  I am afraid to explore it fully.  What if it's real and we eventually find a life together.  What if he really gives me all the attention I crave and is really there for me...and makes me happy.

What if it blows up in my face.  So many questions.  I guess thanks for listening.  Sorry this was not a post full of any vital information.  Instead an expression of pent up questions and feelings. I got married at 17 I haven't had alot of other men in my life in terms of relationships.  I have dated twice this year and I didn't like it.

One day at a time I guess.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Life Lately......

Life lately, has been full of questions.  Trying to make decisions. Investigating things like cheaper rentals, going back to school, applying for jobs, and checking into state assistance for a single mom with no income.

I have sold some of the kids older clothes and will put the money towards purchasing new supplies for school this year.  I have many things for sale but only a little has sold.  Some days I want to throw in the towel, when things do not go my way, but I have two beautiful babies and truthfully for their sake I will never give up.

To save money my son and I recently cut our own hair.  The kids are slowly starting to be a little more helpful because there isn't anyone else to do the things that need to get done.  My son tried to help do the lawn but the lawn mower keeps not starting on us. I keep the thermostat at 80 degrees and mostly wash dishes by hand.  I received a couple of unexpected blessings and letters of encouragement in the mail over the last couple of weeks.  I am super grateful to each of you that took the time to send those.

My son recently turned 12.  His gift from me was a 25.00 amazon gift card which he used to purchase and xbox card, but I earned it through Swagbucks.  My daughter made a cake for him, I supervised but it was a stars and stripes one by Pillsbury.  We refrigerated it and it was delicious.  Someone very special to us had a birthday around the same time and treated us to a day at Adventure Landing where we played in the water park all day, and also had a few rounds of lazer tag.





The kids dad officially moved to Delaware.  We are currently receiving no support, and to be honest I am angry about it.  I know he pays his girlfriends storage what about something, anything to support the kids...

Rant over.  All in all we are doing ok.  I have recently seen a doctor to address some current irritating prayerfully not too serious health issues, and I have been given meds to work on controlling my diabetes better, and if my son's toe isn't broken, we are beginning to run together.  Either way I am trying to move forward from choices I have made and slide out from under the depression that likes to sit on my chest.

We have been making my unique jewelry again.  There is a local art walk on August 2nd and we hope to have as many pieces made as possible in hopes of making some extra cash.  If nothing sells, we still plan on having a good time.  We have made some fun stuff.  If you would like come check it out on facebook  @Youniquelyme Treasures.  Feel free to Like us and follow along...please.  I would be honored.  If  I ever get to 50 likes or followers I plan to do a giveaway!





I hope everyone is having a great summer, ours is almost over.  Happy Tuesday.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

It's been a long time.

I tend to get quiet when emotional things happen, and boy has life been emotional lately.  From fighting for someone who doesn't love me the way I need to be loved, to experiencing things with my ex who is now moving back to Delaware.  The kids and I at the moment are staying in Florida.  I have no income or childcare at the moment.  So yeah things have been crazy.

It has been a year since my second mom Belinda passed, and today is the last time I spoke with my grandmother last year before she passed.  You guys have seen me through alot. I have been on a decluttering journey, and I can say that alot of that clutter is gone. I keep house better than I used to, though I am still not perfect.  I feel a little like I have lost my way, though.  I asked for my divorce, I never thought my husband would leave his kids and leave us without support.  Now I do live with someone that has been kind enough to pay the bills while I provide the food, and do what I can to make odds and ends extras during the summer while my kids are out of school.  The truth is I do not know how long this will last.  This living arrangement has been hard.  There has been alot of fighting, I was almost arrested once, but all the dust from that has settled now.  I don't like dating....I will just leave it at that.  I was married at 17 and just had no idea what the world of dating is like especially now. I have had a taste of it and do not like it.

The truth is I offered my ex a final chance to come home and be a family at least, even if that meant he brought his girlfriend, but he is leaving and he was part of my life for over 20 years so I am not handling things well. I am trying to throw myself into organizing my kids rooms, I don't know how long we will live in this house.  Will we move to Delaware too because the kids miss their dad, will I move in with the guy who pours his heart out to me everyday telling me how much he loves me and wants to give me the life I deserve and wants to make my already made family his own?  I do not know.

What I do know is that my husband refused to sign divorce papers, I am not going to wait for him he can't keep me waiting around hoping I will be there if his current situation does not work out.  Don't get me wrong I am no angel.  I have made so many mistakes and I am in my current situation simply based on financial survival.

School is out for the summer though, the kids are getting big.  They each got lots of awards.





We had a litter of kittens


I realized my daughter looks similar to my mom which was a nice surprise


ooop and the princess got glasses.

I am focusing on moving forward. I  hope to blog more frequently now.  Someone I let into my life during this past year just hasn't been very supportive of me or the things I do.  Said things to me like my jewelry will never sell, even though it did, that my dog sitting side jobs were stupid stuff like that and I have felt pretty crushed and depressed.  I forgot myself and my value. I am beginning to remember now. I value the friendship I share with each of you, and perhaps something profound is on the horizon.