Tuesday, June 27, 2017

It's been a long time.

I tend to get quiet when emotional things happen, and boy has life been emotional lately.  From fighting for someone who doesn't love me the way I need to be loved, to experiencing things with my ex who is now moving back to Delaware.  The kids and I at the moment are staying in Florida.  I have no income or childcare at the moment.  So yeah things have been crazy.

It has been a year since my second mom Belinda passed, and today is the last time I spoke with my grandmother last year before she passed.  You guys have seen me through alot. I have been on a decluttering journey, and I can say that alot of that clutter is gone. I keep house better than I used to, though I am still not perfect.  I feel a little like I have lost my way, though.  I asked for my divorce, I never thought my husband would leave his kids and leave us without support.  Now I do live with someone that has been kind enough to pay the bills while I provide the food, and do what I can to make odds and ends extras during the summer while my kids are out of school.  The truth is I do not know how long this will last.  This living arrangement has been hard.  There has been alot of fighting, I was almost arrested once, but all the dust from that has settled now.  I don't like dating....I will just leave it at that.  I was married at 17 and just had no idea what the world of dating is like especially now. I have had a taste of it and do not like it.

The truth is I offered my ex a final chance to come home and be a family at least, even if that meant he brought his girlfriend, but he is leaving and he was part of my life for over 20 years so I am not handling things well. I am trying to throw myself into organizing my kids rooms, I don't know how long we will live in this house.  Will we move to Delaware too because the kids miss their dad, will I move in with the guy who pours his heart out to me everyday telling me how much he loves me and wants to give me the life I deserve and wants to make my already made family his own?  I do not know.

What I do know is that my husband refused to sign divorce papers, I am not going to wait for him he can't keep me waiting around hoping I will be there if his current situation does not work out.  Don't get me wrong I am no angel.  I have made so many mistakes and I am in my current situation simply based on financial survival.

School is out for the summer though, the kids are getting big.  They each got lots of awards.

We had a litter of kittens

I realized my daughter looks similar to my mom which was a nice surprise

ooop and the princess got glasses.

I am focusing on moving forward. I  hope to blog more frequently now.  Someone I let into my life during this past year just hasn't been very supportive of me or the things I do.  Said things to me like my jewelry will never sell, even though it did, that my dog sitting side jobs were stupid stuff like that and I have felt pretty crushed and depressed.  I forgot myself and my value. I am beginning to remember now. I value the friendship I share with each of you, and perhaps something profound is on the horizon.

1 comment:

  1. I have been concerned about you since you had not posted in a while. I'm sorry that you are having such a stressful period in your life. I know you have to financially survive, but please do be careful, your children will learn by your example. Praying that things will get better for you and your family, and that you can find some comfort and stability.