Saturday, July 29, 2017

Life Unscripted-Have you ever been afraid to be Happy?

This is my piece of cyber space and I know my posts have been sporadic and my topics widespread.  I just need to write to day....I guess this could be an unscripted post like I used to write.

Okay so my husband and I have been separated for a year now.  We were supposed to file for divorce.  He agreed to sign the papers then changed his mind, but moved out of state with his girlfriend. His choice I asked for the divorce.  He didn't sign my papers though, and now I have to figure out how to file in the state of Florida without his signature and without having to pay someone to help me figure out how to do it.

On one hand I feel guilt because I know God doesn't like divorce.  I have lost friends because of my decisions, and sometimes I simply miss having my family unit I guess is the best way to put it.

I met someone this year that has been there for me in ways that no one ever has.  He wants to be there for me and support me and my kids in every way possible.  He doesn't have alot as in earthly possessions but he prays for us and with me sometimes, is there for me when my moods are dark.  He would absolutely give up every last thing he had for us.  He listens to my crazy health anxieties, and would like to be a part of our family.  When I can't sleep at 2 am I can text him and he answers every time.

I feel guilty though, because I am still married.  I am also afraid because can someone really love us like that. I am the one used to doing all the taking care of everything but this person is offering to give endlessly to me.  I am afraid to explore it fully.  What if it's real and we eventually find a life together.  What if he really gives me all the attention I crave and is really there for me...and makes me happy.

What if it blows up in my face.  So many questions.  I guess thanks for listening.  Sorry this was not a post full of any vital information.  Instead an expression of pent up questions and feelings. I got married at 17 I haven't had alot of other men in my life in terms of relationships.  I have dated twice this year and I didn't like it.

One day at a time I guess.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Life Lately......

Life lately, has been full of questions.  Trying to make decisions. Investigating things like cheaper rentals, going back to school, applying for jobs, and checking into state assistance for a single mom with no income.

I have sold some of the kids older clothes and will put the money towards purchasing new supplies for school this year.  I have many things for sale but only a little has sold.  Some days I want to throw in the towel, when things do not go my way, but I have two beautiful babies and truthfully for their sake I will never give up.

To save money my son and I recently cut our own hair.  The kids are slowly starting to be a little more helpful because there isn't anyone else to do the things that need to get done.  My son tried to help do the lawn but the lawn mower keeps not starting on us. I keep the thermostat at 80 degrees and mostly wash dishes by hand.  I received a couple of unexpected blessings and letters of encouragement in the mail over the last couple of weeks.  I am super grateful to each of you that took the time to send those.

My son recently turned 12.  His gift from me was a 25.00 amazon gift card which he used to purchase and xbox card, but I earned it through Swagbucks.  My daughter made a cake for him, I supervised but it was a stars and stripes one by Pillsbury.  We refrigerated it and it was delicious.  Someone very special to us had a birthday around the same time and treated us to a day at Adventure Landing where we played in the water park all day, and also had a few rounds of lazer tag.

The kids dad officially moved to Delaware.  We are currently receiving no support, and to be honest I am angry about it.  I know he pays his girlfriends storage what about something, anything to support the kids...

Rant over.  All in all we are doing ok.  I have recently seen a doctor to address some current irritating prayerfully not too serious health issues, and I have been given meds to work on controlling my diabetes better, and if my son's toe isn't broken, we are beginning to run together.  Either way I am trying to move forward from choices I have made and slide out from under the depression that likes to sit on my chest.

We have been making my unique jewelry again.  There is a local art walk on August 2nd and we hope to have as many pieces made as possible in hopes of making some extra cash.  If nothing sells, we still plan on having a good time.  We have made some fun stuff.  If you would like come check it out on facebook  @Youniquelyme Treasures.  Feel free to Like us and follow along...please.  I would be honored.  If  I ever get to 50 likes or followers I plan to do a giveaway!

I hope everyone is having a great summer, ours is almost over.  Happy Tuesday.