Friday, May 31, 2013

off sad i could cry

So i don't know if anyone reads this, but this morning i am feeling sad and i have to get it out of my head.  I don't know if I ever mentioned that I am like super morbidly obese or something for my height etc.   I started having problems with diabetes in pregnancy over 10 years ago, and i guess i have always sort of treated it like it didn't exist unless i am pregnant. 

Truth be told now i am starting to think maybe i do have neuropathy and that is maybe where my chronic pain may stem from.  Anyway  I haven't checked my blood sugar in a while, this morning i did and it was a whopping 146...the highest  have ever seen fasting.  I was floored to see something so high this morning, because I was not lazy yesterday or last night.  We did a ton of yard work etc.  We have a hot tub long forgotten about here on our property and I also worked hard climbing in and out bailing out water the property owner can look at it and tell me if it works.  We worked for a few hours last night doing yard work.  And I am not expecting any babies that I know of (my numbers definitely get out of control when i am preggo) i see that my numbers really are starting to spiral out of control.  I am disappointed in myslef for not caring enough to not really take this condition seriously.(except for when i am pregnant because then my thought process is that i have to protect the child i am carrying)...but today i have decided it is time for a heart change.  So with lots of prayer and committment of scripture to the brain, I want to really do a diet, body makeover/lifestyle change.  In the past i have always been weak, not able to commit to anything for more then a week or so...or quitting exercise after not getting immediate results...but it is time to get a grip on reality...i want to be here for my kids, and my husband...i have to hop on  a scale to get a true starting weight to see where I am really beginning.....but I am an emotional eater. 

My work schedule went from part time to full time, but i do have some unbusy moments so i am going to take a bible study to work. I refuse to pay for weight loss meetings, but i do know there is a free calorie counter etc at  and I  have some first place for health books....which is a bible study series.  So I plan to get serious in studying these, and making right choices.  And I for now I am going to have to find ways to incorporate exercise into my evenings...or at work....I do have some Leslie Sansone DVD's .  Everyone has to start somewhere.

Oh and the icing on the cake of this whole thing is....i found in the mail this flyer from our health insurance company....saying that if you have your A1c blood sugar test, a cholesterol test, and take a diabetes education class and have a dialated eye exam...they will pay you up to 130.00 on a gift card.  Seeing as how we start this new budget thing when we get our paychecks this afternoon, I could use a little bonus...So I am calling my doc today to see if I can get in for these tests and see where I really stand and get started.

Again it is time to come undone from old habits and thoughts, this time regarding the way i care for myself.  When i get this picture thing figured out i intend to chart progress on the changes we make and take pictures of things we do.  But one baby step at a time.  If you really took the time to read this, Thanks.  I do appreciate you.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Getting ready

So we have spent the last weekend and will spend the rest of this week tying up loose ends.....I have been reading America's Cheapest Family gets you right on the money which was featured on

I discovered that blog a few months ago when in desperation I was searching for ways to cut more costs when my husband lost his job.  We were with little money and it took a month or two to purchase the book featured on the blissful and domestic blog.  Once money started coming in a little more, I found us on the opposite end of the spectrum going crazy spending too much money because we hadn't had any and it was like we wanted everything we saw...or we wanted to eat out because we hadn't been able to.  I have adapted the Economides budget template to a weekly template because that is how we get paid at the present.  I have made a list to include all the things I can think of that we need money for but don't usually have it.  We usually just hope there is money for pet food or gas and take it and make the purchase we think we need to make.  So of course we are always walking around saying we are so broke we don't have any money etc, etc.....I think the truth of it is...we have had money we just don't think about how we use it.  Needless to say we are never prepared for any emergency or even increased costs of caring for our home in the winter.

This is the last week in May 2013.  This final week before we start this program I have been tying up our loose ends.  We want to start the new budget plan this coming friday, May 31, 2013.  I am giving up my trips to the nail salon that my daughter and I were making(just started in the last month....we were going every two weeks) I really loved getting them done...but i did take a course on nails a couple years ago...I don't know if i got anything from the class other then a student loan i am still making payments on 5 years later (i recommend never getting a student loan)....Anyway I plan to do my research(as many of the books and blogs I have read suggest) and do my nails myself.  We will see how it goes.  I want to start posting pictures of things we do but i don't know how yet. 

So this week I plan to tie up all the little debts we have...bought the cat the collar I promised my son she could have, ordered heart guard for the dog, stocked up on my makeup because i was almost out, and i bought body soap etc.  We also had an unexpected car repair to make, but thankfully the company we work for has a mechanic and he gave us a great huge discount and the part ended up maybe being 25.00 bucks.  I also plan to let my son go to a ball game he won tickets for from school but after this if we dont' have the money in our family entertainment bracket...then we don't do it. 

I can't wait to get started.  We will see how it goes.  I don't know if we are strong enough to stick to a budget plan....if we can say that terrible two letter word....NO to ourselves..  We will see.....

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

You can't always wait on someone else to do it for you.

So as I mentioned in my profile, my husband and I work for the same company, he drives a tow truck for them I  rent uhauls and we can work together from the same's usually just me and him and I get to take my baby girl with me everyday and my son when he doesn't have school.

Well i have never driven a Uhaul truck...the size of them scares me...i stand there thinking surely i will crash into something or run it over. I had a 14 ft box truck come in this morning and i thought well i will leave it where the guy parked it until the J-man comes in and let him move it and park it in the right place.  Well i decided i needed to get over myself what if one needs to be moved sometime and he isn't there...after all this is my job too right.

So i plopped my two year old into the cab with me (to make sure if i ran over anything it wouldn't be her)  and fired up the engine...backed it up which was a little awkward for me to use just side mirrors....i really need a back window and then usually i am still not so great at backing up.  But it paid off, i backed up the truck...parked it and that was that. So maybe next time it won't be such a big deal.

Another thing I did today, was take our garbage to the transfer station.  To me that is a man's job, but let me tell you ladies, if you have to do it you can.  We cancelled our trash service during the months when the Jman lost his job and started working for the towing company and the pay was slow.  110.00 is what it cost in our area for three months of service.  Well we happened to have containers from some previous trash company that have been here since we moved in, so I used them as trash containers and they were super full. I have learned my lesson i will not fill them that full again, but what was i to do.  Now my hubby did help load the trash into the truck, but I drove it to the transfer station...again back up to the window it goes in and dumped away.  It was gross, it was smelly, and i definitely needed a shower when i was done. Our two year old was in her car seat in the back of the truck and for once she wasn't screaming or begging to get out.  I did struggle with one trash can and bless his heart a guy on the lower deck of where i was dumping my trash saw me struggling...and I am not kidding he came leaping and bounding over the wall thru the window i was backed up to and he hopped up there to help me.  He did it expecting nothing in return it was awesome. I thanked him.  I don't know his name but it was awesome.  I finished unloading and paid and left it cost 18.48 for probably close to three months worth of trash to be taken to the transfer station....much cheaper then the 110 to pay someone.  Lesson learned: no matter who takes your trash off...whether it's your hubby or the sanitation men, we do not appreciate what they do enough, or even the guys who work at the transfer stations they work in that garbage all day.  And you don't have to wait for someone else to do whatever it is that seems can take the trash yourself and have a new appreciation for your spouse :)

Perfection is my enemy

But not in the same typical way it might be for some other perfectionists.....I am overweight, very lazy and undisciplined, I hope to get on a serious journey and allow God to work in me, but these are issues that i have that rule in my life. 

Here is where perfection plays in.  When i try to achieve something or complete something or just do anything at all i have this picture of what it would look like if it was perfect.   Well needless to say my end product never lives up to the picture I have in my head of how it should be.  So i get very discouraged, so much that it cripples me in any attempts to do anything at all. 

For example I really want to take pictures... but I know someone or a couple people who take them and they have this natural talent and their pictures or programs they use to edit them make them look gorgeous.  I could never achieve that because my camera is different from theirs and i can't afford an editing program so I just don't take pictures.  I also don't have all the knowledge they have so it would take me alot of learning and I often don't know where to begin. 

I did have a break through in this department a little during Christmas this past year though, A friend of mine and I decided to make photo wreaths for our families, we got an idea on pinterest and i tried to follow it ....i used the idea on pinterest and tried to follow the steps of the one posted and make mine identical, and my first attempt was an epic fail.  I became really angry. I couldn't fit into someone elses template.  It took me some time to think about the idea, and I just couldn't follow the template.  I took the pinterest idea, and adapted to fit me, my personality, and the materials i had available to me (budget was tight as always) did not look like the original idea I had in mind but it worked and gifts i were afraid family wouldn't like because they were just done on cardboard with ribbon and pretty paper ended up being the best Christmas gift we had ever given to our families..  I still have one left maybe i can post a picture later when i figure out how.  The point is...I learned that what i do probably won't look like what you do...even if it is the same project.  That is ok.  It's ok to take an idea or a project and make it your own. I don't know why in life i never knew it was ok to just be me and I am learning to embrace my abilities, and learning what my talents are, and if i don't know how to do it, there are resources out there that will enable me to learn new things.  How many of us really sit around thinking well i don't know anything about that so we sit in the dark refusing to budge and break out and try something we don't know how to do.....or are we embarrassed to admit we don't know how to do something or we simply don't want to learn because it's just too difficult.  I am planning some upcoming projects that will help me break out of this I hope.  Hopefully i will be posting about them soon.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Outside the cookie cutter.

I am different from others and at 32 I am finally realizing that is ok. I don't fit into this cookie cutter or that.  I like to wear my hair in two different colors, i like things that sparkle,(no they don't have to be expensive) and heels that are too high.  My furniture doesn't match, neither do my curtains, or my color schemes on my walls.  To you it's a flea market me it's become my style over the years for various reasons, and I am finally coming to the conclusion that it is ok if what i do or have is different from the way everyone else does it or has.

So recently i discovered the Blissful and Domestic blog at, and I discovered some new tips.  I was frantically searching for information on how to cut my family's costs after my husband lost our only decent source of income because there were no working hours.  Then he got a job driving for a towing company and the pay was so slow, and I was a stay at home mom with no income.  So I have purchased the book featured on that blog, "America's Cheapest Family" gets your right on the money by Steve and Annette Economides.  I plan to read that and share anything I learn here.....

I have never blogged before, I am not a good writer, and I have no idea what this will be like, but I intend to share as I can various life things, as I journal what it is like to come undone and unprogrammed from the things that others might say or things that have happened in my past and formed me into the mold i thought i had to fit into all my life. 

And i would aslo like to share maybe some money saving tips, decorating ideas, recipes etc like i see on some other blogs too..whether any one follows or not isn't important...At least i get to get what i need to out of my system, and if i can help someone along the way...great...if is what it is.....