This is my piece of cyber space and I know my posts have been sporadic and my topics widespread. I just need to write to day....I guess this could be an unscripted post like I used to write.
Okay so my husband and I have been separated for a year now. We were supposed to file for divorce. He agreed to sign the papers then changed his mind, but moved out of state with his girlfriend. His choice I asked for the divorce. He didn't sign my papers though, and now I have to figure out how to file in the state of Florida without his signature and without having to pay someone to help me figure out how to do it.
On one hand I feel guilt because I know God doesn't like divorce. I have lost friends because of my decisions, and sometimes I simply miss having my family unit I guess is the best way to put it.
I met someone this year that has been there for me in ways that no one ever has. He wants to be there for me and support me and my kids in every way possible. He doesn't have alot as in earthly possessions but he prays for us and with me sometimes, is there for me when my moods are dark. He would absolutely give up every last thing he had for us. He listens to my crazy health anxieties, and would like to be a part of our family. When I can't sleep at 2 am I can text him and he answers every time.
I feel guilty though, because I am still married. I am also afraid because can someone really love us like that. I am the one used to doing all the taking care of everything but this person is offering to give endlessly to me. I am afraid to explore it fully. What if it's real and we eventually find a life together. What if he really gives me all the attention I crave and is really there for me...and makes me happy.
What if it blows up in my face. So many questions. I guess thanks for listening. Sorry this was not a post full of any vital information. Instead an expression of pent up questions and feelings. I got married at 17 I haven't had alot of other men in my life in terms of relationships. I have dated twice this year and I didn't like it.
One day at a time I guess.