Friday, May 31, 2013

off sad i could cry

So i don't know if anyone reads this, but this morning i am feeling sad and i have to get it out of my head.  I don't know if I ever mentioned that I am like super morbidly obese or something for my height etc.   I started having problems with diabetes in pregnancy over 10 years ago, and i guess i have always sort of treated it like it didn't exist unless i am pregnant. 

Truth be told now i am starting to think maybe i do have neuropathy and that is maybe where my chronic pain may stem from.  Anyway  I haven't checked my blood sugar in a while, this morning i did and it was a whopping 146...the highest  have ever seen fasting.  I was floored to see something so high this morning, because I was not lazy yesterday or last night.  We did a ton of yard work etc.  We have a hot tub long forgotten about here on our property and I also worked hard climbing in and out bailing out water the property owner can look at it and tell me if it works.  We worked for a few hours last night doing yard work.  And I am not expecting any babies that I know of (my numbers definitely get out of control when i am preggo) i see that my numbers really are starting to spiral out of control.  I am disappointed in myslef for not caring enough to not really take this condition seriously.(except for when i am pregnant because then my thought process is that i have to protect the child i am carrying)...but today i have decided it is time for a heart change.  So with lots of prayer and committment of scripture to the brain, I want to really do a diet, body makeover/lifestyle change.  In the past i have always been weak, not able to commit to anything for more then a week or so...or quitting exercise after not getting immediate results...but it is time to get a grip on reality...i want to be here for my kids, and my husband...i have to hop on  a scale to get a true starting weight to see where I am really beginning.....but I am an emotional eater. 

My work schedule went from part time to full time, but i do have some unbusy moments so i am going to take a bible study to work. I refuse to pay for weight loss meetings, but i do know there is a free calorie counter etc at  and I  have some first place for health books....which is a bible study series.  So I plan to get serious in studying these, and making right choices.  And I for now I am going to have to find ways to incorporate exercise into my evenings...or at work....I do have some Leslie Sansone DVD's .  Everyone has to start somewhere.

Oh and the icing on the cake of this whole thing is....i found in the mail this flyer from our health insurance company....saying that if you have your A1c blood sugar test, a cholesterol test, and take a diabetes education class and have a dialated eye exam...they will pay you up to 130.00 on a gift card.  Seeing as how we start this new budget thing when we get our paychecks this afternoon, I could use a little bonus...So I am calling my doc today to see if I can get in for these tests and see where I really stand and get started.

Again it is time to come undone from old habits and thoughts, this time regarding the way i care for myself.  When i get this picture thing figured out i intend to chart progress on the changes we make and take pictures of things we do.  But one baby step at a time.  If you really took the time to read this, Thanks.  I do appreciate you.

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