Saturday, August 24, 2013

my hurt

So there was another episode at work yesterday.  And it has left me wondering if this is what I am really supposed to be doing with my time and with my kids.  I was a stay at home mom before and I will admit I have not always completely appreciated it, and I also had a best friend and unfortunately I let my friendship with her I guess be kind of like an idol in my life, I did whatever she wanted when she wanted, (my kids were always with me though I didn't neglect them or anything) but I did neglect my home.  because she was my best friend I did whatever she wanted when she wanted, and it was usually at her place or an activity she wanted to do.  I mean my husband was supportive never angry, he was happy that I was getting out of the house, taking the kids to do things, and sometimes my best friend and I got a lot of  things done together.  Then she went through what I guess is some kind of midlife crisis and threw her husband out and stopped doing anything she was supposed to for her family.  And she began lying to me, so we don't talk much anymore.  And when I started working I think it became clear that our relationship was about her mostly and the things she wanted to do, she was angry that I was not available for her anymore.  I was disrupting her social life she said. I think I had let myself be really walked on by her. 

Anyway so while I had stayed at home before I didn't really always take care of my home etc, I tried to do whatever everyone needed...everyone was always like well she just stays home what does she do, she should be able to do whatever we want her to do, and I really wanted to please and be there for others, but I left my family responsibilities fall to the wayside.  I started working because my husband had lost his job which was our source of steady income, and when he got this new job, the pay was slow in the off season.  When the office girl quit, I was offered the job that I have now, and told I could bring my children.  We thought it was an answered prayer.  We had been unable to pay our rent for a couple months, and with this job, I got to take the of both worlds right I still get to take care of the kids and make some extra money.  It was April that I started this job.  And it first I worked 7 days a week, it was tough but I took the kids so no one was neglected .  I took the work phone home and even worked from home when I had too.  Eventually I got two days a week off.  My husband only gets one and actually it is not a whole day it's more like 12 hours on a Wednesday.  We have been working to make the best of it.  I am not saying my husband is out of the house 24/7 but he is on call which means he has to be home with his cell phone and tow truck in case he gets a call. 

Current events at work brings me to two week ago...maybe three when my family took the camping trip.  I actually took the whole week off, they needed me to cover, but my husband said no, I needed time off so he covered for me.  Well during that time, we were accused of stealing a soda.  There were cases of soda sitting in the office and one day one bottle just sprang a was so weird.  Anyway my boss said we were stealing...(seriously one soda) anyway we offered to pay the 1.50 for the soda for the freak accident.  And my husband told my boss to take all the sodas with him if he felt that way about the whole incident.  So my boss came and took all the sodas, and while he was here he took 4 hours of paid time away from me.  He said he had came by one day and the office was locked up before 3.  I told him there was no way.  That I had only left early on a Tuesday for a doctors appointment which they knew about and I did not put down to get paid for that time.  So he took four hours off my paycheck.  I was angry and hurt that he made all these implications...he talked down to and belittled me. He also made it very clear I would not longer receive compensation for errand running for him, or time spent working at home unless I was in this office I don't get paid for it.  Fine, I stopped errand running, I don't drop papers off for him on Fridays anymore, and I no longer take the work phone home. 

The next time I saw him he was so nice, he visited, went over the office, made some improvements, bought us all was great. 

Then this week.  I followed his orders, I texted him my hours every day from the office phone which I can only get access to when I am in the office (because I don't take it home anymore)    My husband comes in yesterday afternoon (it was a bad one)  Yesterday I went home at three.  I get a phone call saying I need to go back to work there was a lady waiting to pick up her rental.  Well there was no reservation on the schedule until tomorrow.  But I loaded the kids back in the car, unlocked the fence and began making this ladies rental.  Apparently the owners daughter had moved the reservation on a day I was off to Saturday we don't know why, but she would take not responsibility for her actions or say why she did it, but that it was somehow my fault.  She is an 18 year old kid who had no business participating in her fathers business but she can do no wrong...and I was blamed for this misunderstanding.  that was bad enough.  I went to hook up this ladies rental she wanted a 6*12 trailer  (if you have never tried to lift one they are so so heavy, I have even seen two grown men struggle with lifting one together)  Anyway I have lifted one before though a few times.  So I go to get this lady hooked up and I cant lift the trailer for some reason.  I just couldn't do it yesterday...when we finally get it lifted it wont sit down on her trailer ball for some reason.  So I have her move to a different trailer thinking one was broken...same problem.....It took an hour and a half to get her set up and out of here....she became impatient because of the problems.  I hurt my back lifting the different trailers so many times, and the stupid trailer part fell on my finger and smashed it and I was bleeding everywhere.  I felt embarrassed , incapable, and I was physically hurting as well.  The icing on the cake was some people showed up to have a car released to them and here I am in tears and bleeding, can't get help to get the stupid trailer hooked up and six women are in my office to pick up one car.  My finger was bleeding and hurting so bad that I could not even get the work phone out of my pocket to resolve the impounded car release issue.  And then the lady is still coming in to tell me to quit standing there and get her trailer hooked up...never mind the blood dripping from my hand right. 

So my poor husband finally shows up to help, but by then I had gotten the lady, the trailer, and the impounded car all out of here.  he has no paycheck for me.  My boss had decided after all this time he needs me to do some kind of special paper for him in order to get paid.  I am the only one that has to do this.  What am I supposed to think.  I told Jimmy I texted from work each day my hours.  To me it says he is implying that he does not trust me.  And he is accusing me of still stealing time or something.  So if my boss does not have a paycheck for me today, after all of the crap I have endured, worked hard to go out of my way to get his customers taken care of...we are the only ones now to work this office, my husband and I have agreed that I will quit.  I want to wait till hubs gets his truck fixed because there is stuff here that I need to take home.  We payed for the fridge and microwave here and replaced the stools.  I don't want to give my boss anything for free at this point.  I feel like he is an emotional abuser , like he likes to play games being nice one day and mean the next.  The extra money is nice, we had an epic summer of activities with no guilt.  Bills are paid, a tiny bit of money saved, but we are unsure if it worth the extra bull I am having to deal with. Hubs and I are praying.

I hope everyone had a better ending to their week.

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