Prodigal Spouse?

I do like to share happy things, ways to save and things to craft on here, but blogging was also suppossed to be an outlet for me to write.  And today I am going to do just that....this is an ugly post.......so if you don't want to continue and only like the warm fuzzies of my life, you may not want to read on.


What do you do when you find out the one you love and have given more then 15 years to is lying.  When there is some sort of secret relationship he is hiding from you, making you feel guilty that you don't trust him when his actions don't support the trust he wants from you.

This morning all the pieces fell together and I know now who my husband has been talking to.  I don't know if it is a physical relationship or not, I don't know what they talk about but at this point, it is someone we had trouble with long before we got saved, and it is someone i asked him not to talk to, and certainly to promise he would never lie about it.  I desperately want to facebook the woman privately and ask her to stop communicating with my husband.  He has been hiding things and acting wierd since Easter.  I told him if I acted like that over my cell phone and texting he would be angry all he said was yep you are right.  He swore though he wasn't talking to anyone that the message he got yesterday was from some guy he works with...he is so full of it, i found the girl on face book. 

I confronted him, he admitted to one coversation a long time ago, said he never kept her number but when i matched the info in his phone to her facebook it just fits, i told him i knew what was going on and didn't appreciate the lie, and now he won't talk to me.  I guess we will see what happens when he comes home.  I know what God wants and it is this

Hold fast to the example of the father.  Remain faithful to God and to your covenant.I don't know if I am strong enough to do that though, I need so much prayer right now.  I know this battle is God's that only he will be able to change my spouse...but am i strong enough to be continually lied to, and to sit here and care for him and the kids and act like nothing is wrong.....I honestly don't know.

Even if it's not a physical relationship...there is lying and hiding and trust is broken.  Now I feel broken a little. I guess I should not be on here but in my Bible and in prayer.  I need some Godly counsel right now.

Sharing ways we Save

It has been two weeks since I was able to share what we have done to save.  Both of my kids have been sick...I actually had to keep my son out of school for a whole week because he had a bad bad case of strep throat, and was in so much pain and couldn't eat.....there was no way I was sending him to school like that. 

In the kitchen, we continue to make homemade tartar sauce......and we also made taco seasoning by combining spices we already had in the cupboard (been working on building that pantry)

We didn't go anywhere for two weeks.  saved a ton of gas.

I did have to take my son to an urgent care place called CareSpot, and they took great care of him and a grocery store here called Publix offers certain antibiotics for free and my sons prescribed medication was on that list....so score for free medicine.

Later in the week I had to take my son back to the doctor and since it was a follow up for the same illness he was originally seen for, the CareSpot did not charge me for his second visit.  I did have to pay for his medication this time, but it all worked out. 

A neighbor gave me an ace bandage to re-wrap my dogs splint.  I took him to the vet for a follow up appointment and I was not charged for his first check up since his broken leg.  We missed this weeks check up because of my son's illness so can you guess where i will be for the first part of the morning tomorrow?  I am asking for the Lord's will to be done, i really hope this confinement and splint will heal his leg.  If not I guess he will have to hop a long instead.....

Said no to a door to door salesperson trying to sell me some cleaner, i get that she was probably a college student trying to make money, the cleaner was 40.00 a bottle...she is like with all this does won't this just save you so much money....she asks how much do you spend on cleaners now....i was like honestly i think your stuff is cool, but we spend just pennies on cleaners because i use mostly vinegar and baking soda...no store bought stuff anymore...and her face fell...i felt bad...but i didn't need it, and buying it would have been counterproductive to our financial goals for the summer.

My husband went for a ride on the motorcycle and saw someone setting this table out for free, he told me about it and I picked it up in the car...it needs a really good cleaning and one chair needs a new cover on the seat pad...but that is it...my daughter was thrilled.

I did spend a little money this week, online shopping...for mothers day the kellogg's reward program gave me a free 20.00 credit for shutterfly, so I used it to make a small 5 by 7 photo book for my husband for father's day, and i got a special fridge magnet made, i just has to pay a few bucks for shipping.

I also ordered 4 books from barnes and noble, two are for my husband for father's day, and two are for my son for his birthday in July.  I got free shipping though for spending 25.00 and I got two big things we celebrate in the summer taken care of.  I also thought of a great way to celebrate my son's birthday at home, using things we already have here, and I think he will love it!  I will share more as it comes closer to time.

The final thing I remember doing was bartering my vacuum (that i don't use since our apartment flooded we have only tile flooring in every room now) with a couple that lives in the first apartment in our building for an ice cream maker they did not use anymore...and they also asked that I share the recipe we use to make laundry detergent.  I let a different neighbor have some and she shared the smell of it with everyone and they are in love with it!


That is all I can remember.  I hope each of you had a great couple of weeks.  Let me know how you did!  I love hearing from you.

Counting your blessings and the Hump Day Blog Hop

I missed sharing ways we save this week i will just share it all later this week.  It has been a long few days with two kids taking turns being sick it has meant lots of movies, and cuddles for the past few days.  The good news in it though is we saved money by staying home.  I never realized how much my husband likes to get out of the house when he is off and we usually end up spending some kind of money or use alot of gas in the process.  We talked this weekend and we have set some big goals for summer plans that will require much frugality in order for us to be able accomplish them in addition to living every day life. It was nice to talk goals, and desires, and measures that would have to be taken to meet them, and discussing possible alternative ways to meet goals or do summer activities.

That being said, I was feeling a little down this morning, frustrated that this move has been so hard and heavy with emotions for me, and little things constantly going wrong in this apartment.  If you had asked me a year ago when I started this blog, i never though we would have moved to Florida again, i pictured myself living in the same house, but so much changed in a year.  We  live in a small two bedroom apartment now where things keep breaking.  A new ac unit was just put in here a couple weeks ago and it has stopped working again......So I was praying and complaining this morning, when I was reminded to see what I do have....like the two beautiful babies who were sleeping in my bed, while they have been sick, it isn't life threatening, and having them is a blessing in itself, because our fertility journey was a hard one, and i am not single.  That is a blessing...as much as my husband makes me angry sometimes, I am so happy that he is the father of my children, and that I am not single and dating.  So today I am looking around in the miracles at my life, instead of being grumpy about all the things I feel go wrong.  And as I finish writing this...i want to say that each of you that stop by here are a blessing to me too!!!!! 

It is Wednesday and it is time for the

Sharing Ways we Save

so not every week can be successful right......

This week our Yorkshire Terrier who is only 4 months old broke his leg

We could not afford 2 grand for surgery that included pins....so we opted for a splint instead and six weeks confinement.  It's been a long and tiring week.....the dog each night has gotten sick in the middle of the night, but i think we figured out it may have been a side effect of the pain medicine.  We reduced the amount we gave him last night and we had a good night.....The bright spot in all of this is that I did not have to purchase a crate for confinement...i simply asked all the locals at the vet if they might have a crate i could borrow, and a sweet lady called me and offered me a crate to borrow for the six weeks.  I told her she had no idea how much that meant to our family!

The second frugal flop of the week was the brand new crock pot i just bought a few weeks ago...slipped out of my hand and the ceramic crock shattered all over the floor.  I am not in a position to replace it right now.  We have alot going on, and need tires for the car etc.  So I have to make my choices, and with check up for the dog needed over the next couple weeks, a crock pot is not a top priority.

The frugal things that were successful this week are, making chocolate chip pancakes, using left overs from a meal of chicken and rice and putting it in a pot with veggies to make a new meal of soup.  I also cut up some strawberries that were about to go bad and mixed them with lemonade in the blender to make popsicles.  That is about as much as I can remember.  I also made Pumpkin Spice body scrub for Aunti L to use as giveaways at a baby shower she hosted.  After the shower was over, i brought home some left over croissants, salad, and pasta salad.  I will use them as a side for dinner tonight. 

Oh i forgot the final thing, my neighbor and I planted a very small garden in her yard since she gets more sunshine in her yard.  We did this Tuesday, we will have to wait and see what sprouts.

I sure hope everyone else had a great week!

For some more ideas on ways to save....you can check out http://www.zeahrenaissance.blogspot.com/

she shares her Financial Efforts on Fridays, and a few others link up with her.

Taking you back to a moment in Time....

This was me at 24 with my son being just 5 weeks old.  We lived in Florida at the time he was born and traveled all the way to Delaware for a family reunion.  We almost didn't go because I wasn't sure that it would be the best use of the money we had, considering we knew I was not going to go back to work after my maternity leave was up.  We knew I was going to be a stay at home mom.  We decided to make the trip anyway and in looking back I am so glad that we did. 

My grandmother is not in this particular picture...but she was my best friend, and she was another reason we decided to go to the family reunion traveling over 800 miles with a newborn and spending the last 500.00 we had to make the round trip....it was so important to her...she had been involved in planning it, and I did not know it then, but this trip would be the last time that I would physically see her.  She died just five weeks later. 

I still miss her everyday.  Some of my best child hood memories include her and my grandfather....they were the true definition of what poor was, but I didn't really know that then.  I always had so much fun when I was with them.  It is true that the best things in life are free.  You can love someone and it doesn't cost money, and that is what I remember most...their love for me.  In the picture is actually my great Uncle Joe....he was my grandfather's brother.  And he looked alot like him.  (I lost my grandfather when I was 15.)  I wanted my picture taken with Uncle Joe because I just couldn't get over how much he looked like my grandfather...so I spent that day chatting with him getting to know him and he made me laugh the same way my grandpa used to.  Uncle Joe died a year or so later.  I am glad to have photos to remember special moments.

Sharing ways we save

Let me start by wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day regardless of your type of motherhood...whether you are still waiting to be a mommy, presently the executive director of a madhouse with your quiver full of little ones, the mother of an angel, a pet parent, a foster parent or a grandparent, or even a single dad.  Sometimes it is the simplest gifts that really just touch the heart.  This is a small simple silk arangement my son made me at school for mother's day....he couldn't have done anything more special or bought anything more special.  I love it!

Now onto sharing some of the ways we save:

*I recieved a $12.00 rebate in the mail from purchasing my pet's heartguard a couple months ago.

*Redeemed swagbucks for $10.00 worth of walmart gift cards that I put toward purchasing ink for my printer. 

*Recieved two vouchers for free tickets to our local Minor League Baseball team the Jacksonville SUNS to attend this afternoons game.

*Made Dove body wash, and cleansing conditioner

*Used a $10.00 off coupon to stock up on dog food

* Recieved a free tube of Advantix for my dog just for being part of the VIP program at PETSUPERMARKET

* I bartered with my neighbor who is a licensed cosmetologist for haircuts for the whole family, and color for me.  I would post a picture of my new look but it isn't complete.  My haircut has not been done, but thankfully everyone else got theirs done.  I bartered with her use of my wireless internet signal so they can watch their netflix service, and use of our weed eater because they don't own a lawnmower.

*in the kitchen I made a homemade coffee cake and spaghetti sauce.

*My neighbor and I also went curbside picking when a different neighbor moved out and we got quite a few things, like a dress up hat for my daughter, a dish drainer, a book bag, just some odds and ends of things we could use.  My neighbor got alot of things too.

* We went yard sailing on Saturday and got some cool finds.  We got a few pieces of clothing for each person for .25 each and i got a back massager seat pad thing for a $1....i was very excited.  I paid $1.00 for a toaster at a different sale, that will allow me to replace ours...it was only toasting one side of the toast for some reason.

My most exciting find was a meat slicer for just $9.00.  I had tried to order one online using a $10.00 reward from Sears etc, but they ended up sending me and email saying it was out of stock and issuing me a refund....so to find a working one for that price at a yard sale was awesome.  I want to be able to slice my own cheese and meat.  I think it will save us money in the long run.  Cheese and lunchmeat are one of our biggest expenses because my husband does pack his lunch most of the time.

What things did you find or make this week.  Please share what you do to save that we might learn and help each other.  Have a blessed wek!.

My fitness struggle----RAW

When I say RAW I mean unfiltered honest thoughts that will probably expose to much about me and make you change the way you think of me, but I am ok with this at this point.  When I created this blog, I wanted to be able to express myself.  It was suppossed to be an outlet.  I haven't really used it as much of that....sooo before you read this remember that once you see or hear something you can't unsee it.....don't say I didn't warn you.......




So it's 10:44 am and my stomach is growling a little, but I can't decide if I should give myself permission to eat or not.  I am tired of my stomach hurting.  Most often my esophagus feels as if it would explode.  I have been trying to treat it with over the counter pills like Prevacid, and Zantac, but my problem is I am not consistent in remembering to take medication, and the over the counter milligrams aren't as strong as the doctor stuff.  (I started feeling like this three years ago....went to the hospital thinking I was dying, they ran tests, and later i had an endoscope and colonoscopy done, and they tell me everything is fine with the exception of some gastritis)  I don't have medical insurance for two more weeks, so I guess I have to wait and use what I have.  I have decided to make myself eat smaller meals because a regular size meal just makes me feel miserable, and I don't want to be that anymore.

I am to angry about all the pressure I feel put on me (by outsiders) to keep this place (I mean my home) perfect that I have decided to forgo the YMCA today and stay home to work on the place that I feel is never completely done.  I have begun delagating little tasks to the kids like putting away their own clothes etc.  Still I can't keep the inside and outside perfect and someone had to stop me and complain this morning.  I am making a decisive choice though, not to eat through my stress.  I have been working out at the YMCA for about two months now, and there has been no change in anything, so I know I need to clean up what I am eating then, and reduce my calorie intake.

This morning, I went to Walmart to purchase carrot chips, some special K preportioned snacks, and a few already made protein drinks, simply because sometimes I find it overwhelming to actually make them myself.  (Ridiculous, and lazy I know.....but it's the truth)  The point for me at this point to get the pain in my stomach under control, so I have picked out some fruits, veggies, and liquid items to hopefully ease the amount of pressure in my stomach.  My neighbor and I chatted about it the other night, and she says to me do you think it's because you are eating things you are not supposed to and your diabetic....and she is right, I am diabetic, and I do not take care of myself.

I know the risks, I have seen some around me suffer complications...even losing my mother to complications of the disease (not because she didn't take care of herself though, she did take care of herself, but that is a different story for another day)  I even lost my first child in the last stages of pregnancy and undiagnosed gestational diabetes was a contributing factor (not the only one) but still this has not motivated me to care of me.  I don't know why I must be broken or something.......kind of like my friend who lost her mom to cancer, but still picks up her cigarettes and smokes them and may put her kids in the same situation her mom left her in.  All this should be bright neon signs in my face, but I still sit unmotivated to make necessary changes.  I am sure not caring for myself is somehow rooted to the abuse suffered at the hands of the family that raised me for 10 years, but again another story for another day.  This isn't going to be an easy change to take care of me.  I hope this time I really decide to make the changes I need to.

I was hoping that serious exercise would bring change, and I get frustrated when it often doesn't my thoughts are I am moving more than I used to and making better choices then I used to, so some changes should make a difference right, but it doesn't and that is where I lose any perseverance.  Here is to changes that I hope eventually come, and I try to eat less and move more for lasting change.  As I have tried to make so many other changes in my life, with keeping my home, changing finanaces, and raising kids, cooking from scratch and finding ways to be frugal it just all seems overwhelming sometimes, and now I have to work to quiet that bad carb craving sugar monster inside of me.  I don't know how to achieve the right balance and complete it all.   I would like to be able to offer people advice, but I really don't have any tips or tricks right now....maybe soon.